I have. In fact, there have been many many times in my life when I’ve gone through something that left me feeling blindsided and in deep despair.
Like when my 3rd marriage ended in divorce. Or the day I came home from work to find my daughter had taken all of her stuff – including my 11 month old grandson – and moved out of the house without telling me where she was going.
As an early 20something, living with a boyfriend and addicted to drugs and alcohol, I remember being down on my bedroom floor crying. It was after yet another night of partying until I was puking my guts up. I had done something or said something amazingly stupid, and felt ashamed because I knew I was killing myself and couldn’t stop.
Over the years I’ve had friends – best friends – walk out of my life without a single word. In 2015 I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer with 18 months of treatment to go through. I have been ambushed with an unexpected job lay-off – more than once – and me, a single mom of two to support. I’ve experienced the unexpected death of a parent, and nearly being homeless – along with my husband and 2 children – after a real estate agent sold our home from out from under us because “he had bills to pay”. We had 1 day to find a place.
These hard times, while differing in particulars, all produced the same result: A dark cloud of hopelessness and depression that threatened to consume me, and which I wasn’t sure I could – or would – survive. On my own, I didn’t have any of the resources or strength or to change them. And in a couple of instances, my literal life was at stake. My life was in the balance, along with my sanity.
Several times I wanted to die, and even prayed for it to happen.
Obviously, those particular prayers weren’t answered. And oh, how grateful I am for that! In each and every instance, things did eventually turn around – most of them in quite miraculous ways.
My husband and I are nearing our 7th re-marriage anniversary and we’re closer now than ever. After 18 months of no communication whatsoever, my daughter contacted me out of the blue and re-established relationship. We’ve been a vital part of their lives ever since, and both she and my grandson have lived with us for over 2 years now. He’ll be 10 in just a few weeks.
I stopped using hard drugs decades ago and only enjoy an occasional drink now and then when out with friends or with my husband. The weed addiction – it was the strongest of all of them – was finally broken once and for all last summer. It took 45 years, but I am free. At last!
New friends showed up, I’ve been cancer free for almost 4 years, and I was never without a good job for long until I semi-retired a few years back. In fact, they just kept getting better, and better paying.
Naturally, Dad didn’t come back from the grave (wouldn’t THAT have been a miracle!) but Mom is still around at 86 years old and I see her at least every other weekend. Her body is in decline, and she’s a wee bit forgetful, but her mind is still sharp and on a good day, it’s a good day.
And lastly, none of us – not me, my husband, my children or grandchild – have ever spent a single day of our lives without a roof over our heads, clothes on our back, and good food to eat. We’ve haven’t always had “extra”, but we’ve always had enough.
All of these difficult experiences had one thing in common (besides me. Ha!) They all changed for the better, changed me in the process, and turned that deep, dark hopelessness into joy.
Was it a 12step group I attended that freed me? Weeks of Therapy? One (or more) of the New Age accouterments I tried? Everything from Tarot to OMing, Reiki to Past Life Regression, Visualization to Crystals? Did Buddhism or Paganism or Goddess worship help me?
No. (And trust me. I tried them all.)
In each and every case, it was Jesus.
Jesus delivered me, healed me, restored my marriage and my family and my life. He protected and provided, comforted and encouraged, and gave me not only a reason to get up in the morning, but a sense of real purpose for living.
And that’s why I’ve come here today. I felt compelled to tell of just a few of the things that the Lord has done for me. I know, with all that is within me, that if He would do these things for me, He will do them for anyone because there’s absolutely nothing special about me. I wasn’t the Favorite Child. In fact, in many of these instances, I wasn’t even a Christian (or if I was, I wasn’t acting like one). But even then, even during the times when I walked away from Him, He never walked away from me. No matter what dark road I had chosen to walk, He walked it with me just waiting. Waiting for me to ask for help.
If you find yourself today in a place where you feel hopeless, and beaten down by life or your own bad choices, I beg you. Give Jesus a chance. Even if you have before, invite Him into your circumstances, into your heart, and to turn things around. He longs help you – physically and spiritually – and to demonstrate His Unconditional Love. It’s not about you joining a religion. It’s about having a relationship with the Son of the Living God.
God is a good God. His mercy endures forever, and He is near to those who are broken and brokenhearted. Ask Him for help. Do it now. You won’t be sorry.
“I love the Lord, for He heard my voice,
He heard my cry for mercy.
Because He turned his ear to me
I will call on Him as long as I live.
The cords of death entangled me.
The anguish of the grave came upon me.
I was overcome by trouble and sorry.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
Oh, Lord, save me!
The Lord is gracious and righteous.
Our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the simple hearted.
When I was in great need,
He saved me.
Be at rest once more, Oh my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you.
For you, Oh Lord, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before You in the land of the living.”